Of determination and struggles.

I haven't really been to church for quite some time... The last time I came breeze thru the Lord, was last sunday night, during the dinner at Mr. and Mrs. Lam's house. And yet, I was talking about prayers and saying thanks to a friend of mine. Tonight I sit alone on this bed meant for two, listening to Christian Songs, blogging. And its 6.30 am in the morning. Gosh, what had happened to my life. I wonder, and I ponder upon myself. Filled with guilt and regerts of what I've done wrong, what I should've done, and what I shouldn't have done. But a man of regrets will never move forward and strive ahead. I vow to myself, never to look back, and to pick myself up everytime I fall. But it couldn't have happened, not without friends, not without family members, not without You, God. Eventhough many people argued about Your existance, athiests who don't believe in You, people who're confused by Your real words... Here I stand before You every night, asking for forgiveness from what I've done wrong, that I may be a free soul. And to thank you, Lord, for blessing me with lots of determination to pull myself through struggles. At times when I was down and I'm out, I would pray, and there is always light at the end of the dark tunnel.

To laugh or not to laugh, I'll leave it up to you. It's a serious matter. What has happened to people in this country? The latest epidemic plague has swarmed all the teenagers, even young adults. But, how would you really look at it? University students who que up as early as 1 am to get in line to receive numbers that will be given at 7.30 am? Are these people really determined to achieve something in life? Either or, their competitive nature has begun to ravage in their blood, like their hormones. What about the public perception on this university? I really have no idea, as I've never really been through anything like this. I guess its just part of my natural behaviour to be not-so-competitive-prone. Yet, parents and governments wonder, why on earth are suicide rates increasing. I guess I found the answer today. To all my friends who're really determined, I wish you ladies and gents, all the best and may you succeed. And to my friends who haven't been feeling well being pressured this way, I hope you'll take good care of yourself. Especially you, Mikee. You're different from alot of people I've met. Caring, cheerful, jovial... And you're always sincere, even though you can be abit kiddish at times when you come into contact with teddy bears.

I've been single for almost a month plus now. Do you not know, everytime I get a message from you, it sorta like reminds me of the times when I liked you, and I still do. The way you called me darling, the way you tell me that you miss me, the way you complain about things to me, it sorta make me feel that I'm not that bad a guy after all. Although I know that sometimes you are just flirting with me, I like those moments, and it did boost my self-esteem. But, things between us have been complicated. Pretty complicated. Hmmphhh... Now that I've read what I wrote, you sorta remind me of the past. You are quite similar to her, but yet, I think, you know the right buttons to push a relationship to the right path. Should things happen, I would let them take their course. Not that I won't put effort into it, I would, but I've gotta let things go their way to right? I would do my hardest, try my best, but whatever happens next, its not for me to decide.

Pfft, I officially did my first event of sports in like, 3 months?? I don't deny that I've been physically dormant for a quarter of the year, since I started serious gaming. Its all about the games, ways to beat your opponents, trainings to build your teamwork... But when I glanced back, it did look a little silly, yet I'm doing it still now. Trying my luck for this coming SMM Dota tourney. We played squash today, and as usual, I deproved. Played like shit, as compared to me back then. First was table tennis, now squash. Darn... I really think I should get back into these stuff and train myself. Ah, not to forget, I might start working out my lazy bones... Gym? LoL. Although I first thought it is not gonna work, but when I think again, a desperate soul would do anything to get fit :p.

And yes, although I have been telling myself that I wanna keep this blog for myself, I leaked out. Hah. Well, now my classmate knows that I blog, and gawdd.. She was so surprised that she failed to reply me on msn for like... I don't know. Ah yes, a person like me, who has been quite secretive of what my friends tell me, failed to keep secrets for myself. Too bad, I guess I'm weak at heart. When a girl asks me for a favour, or when they ask me for something, I seldom say no. Awww... I guess its good to a certain extent, but someday later, it may come back to harm me. I should be a little more careful with my words and decisions.

Damn... I guess I have to spend money again... Soon. My phone's screwed up. Arrrrr.... Must have been due to the damage it took while banging the floor this morning. It toggles itself as it wishes, on and off to his or her prevail. I wonder if he or she is trying to play tricks on me. LoL? Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep, hallucination.I should get going now that the sun is up. Nite darlings.